What lessons have you learned from you're parent's parenting?

What to do and not to do?What lessons have you learned from you're parent's parenting?
That I wasn't blessed by God to be my children's best friend. They'll have plenty of those in their own age group. I was put here as mommy, to tell it like it is whether it be good or bad. To set limits and give lots of love and affection. I grew up watching my parents laugh and kid with each other as well as argue. I got to see how people work their differences through without stressing kids. But, I also learned that you have to trust your kid unless you're given reason not to. My parents are immigrants and were scared of a lot of things for us. I was born here, so I won't be as restrictive. But, strict parenting (not smothering or abusive) helps keep children on the straight and narrow. And, every child's actions don't just reflect on them but on their whole family. We are a unit, a family. Not just 4 individuals just rooming together. We have to always think of each other and the greater good. I have no regrets from my childhood, and we had it rough financially. But, we had lots of love, and it got us through a lot of hard times. I learned so much from them. Still learning.What lessons have you learned from you're parent's parenting?
Let them go. My parents always encouraged me to try things, go for my goals, and make many of my own choices. Some of those choices were good, but others were not the best, and some of them took me a long distance away. Now that I have teens/young adults, I realize how often my parents must have bitten their tongues and just let me do my own thing. I realize how difficult it must have been for them to let me go far away. But I appreciate more than ever that they let me be me and live my own life. I'm trying to do the same for my kids. It's the hardest aspect of parenting that I have experienced so far.
The thing that's really struck me is that it's really important (and very difficult) to find a balance in everything.





And that it's always easier to say that you won't be as pushy/strict/tyrannical etc with your own children but really... the only method of parenting you're most familiar with is that which you've experienced. Which is why many people end up emulating their parents anyway.





1)





Recently I came to the conclusion that it's very important to have your child's trust. Because without that trust you won't know when your kid needs help and hence that wealth of experience you have is pretty much useless. You'll also tend to jump to conclusions because your child isn't willing to share the full picture with you.





That said, however, it is also equally important that your child know that she cannot get away with murder and must respect you as a parent.





2)





You want to reward your kid for a job well done so that your child knows what's right and is encouraged to continue doing it.





However at a certain point you have to make sure that your child is doing the right thing because he/she knows it right and wants to do it and not just do it to get praised.





Which is why I think it's more important to instil a sense of satisfaction of a job well done in a child.





3)





You also have to remember that your role as a parent should evolve as your child grows older.





When your child is in his/her formative years (commonly believed to be up till age 7 or there about) you probably have to be more of a dictator because your child will be learning about limits and what's right and wrong etc





As a child grows up and begins gathering his/her own experiences, he or she will likely think that they know everything. (I've gone through and still am going through this phase. I'm sure you've probably been through it some how too :D)





Here a parent must gradually become more or a guidance counselor, providing your experiences as advice but ultimately your child has to learn to make their own choices, and also learn to fail (more about this later).





Eventually, as your child emerges into adulthood you have to be sure to treat your child as an adult in their own right.





4)





Learning to fail early on in a child's life is important and is actually crucial in a child's emotional development. Some may call it learning about crisis management.





When your child is young, chances are the problem can easily be solved and the failure has less dire consequences.





Emotionally, having failed and pulled yourself up, the child may actually become relatively more empathic and compassionate. And have a greater sense of value for life and such.


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That's all I can list off hand. Sorry for the overly long answer again. I have that tendency. My sister says that means I'm going to be a nag :O haha
What not to do for us:





Spanking


Constant criticizing of body and clothing


making an issue out of food


embrassing her


talking about her in front of others


yelling and banishing to room


not respecting her privacy


keep taunting her after she has told Mother to stop





What I do do instead of what my Mom did with me:





Allow her to have more choices about food and not to sit and not make an issue out about how much she has eaten or not eaten





Talk to her in a calm voice





No spanking, but rather positive discipline





I don't talk about her in front of her





Praise her for a job well done





No criticizing





Build up her self esteem and make her proud of her own body





And the list goes on and on
I have learnt to give my kids space. My parents gave me plenty of it, and it helped me to become independent and think for myself.





However, although my parents did not mean to do this, I was an only child. My parents couldn't have anymore kids.





So I had four children, to make sure that they were never lonely
1~~~%26gt; Guide...don't push!


2~~~%26gt; Cradle...don't suffocate!


3~~~%26gt; Watch...don't spy!


4~~~%26gt; Trust...but don't be naive!
often teenagers need their parents more than small kids do.


nagging does not work (but if you find an effective alternative let me know!!)


always check up on your teens whereabouts.
I learned to throw every parenting skill they have (or lack there of) in the garbage.
Always listen to your child if they say someone is hurting them.





Never ignore them, or say they're making it up.
the only thing iv gotten is ';when you have kids, you can be mean to them'; lol
never tell them they are overweight.


give them a sex talk